first entry in 2010
3:50 a.m. :: 2010-09-26

Twitter is just the stupidest weblogging service. no doubt. the constant change of facebook status is not enough of an attention grabber, you must 'tweet' tiny meaningless passages (with character restraints) that no one will remember in the next hour. Bravo.

so i ask myself why i don't come back to my Dland more often, well, i guess it's the same reason that i feel like getting all dolled up to go out on the town socializing, drinking til you drop and all that jazz is such hard work - i grew out of it.

last time i wrote something was almost a year ago when i was suffering from the most disgusting health issue, that seemed a long time ago and thank goodness, my life is normal now. in fact, is it TOO normal which explains why i don't blog about it as much, my life now comparing to '03 - '08, even last year was a rollercoaster. now all has subsided like a dead leaf, so i asked myself, why did i move 3700km to Montreal, the so called party paradise, and decided i longer like partying? WHY?

this is why, first, it has to do with the guy i'm dating now, Didier, nice boyfriend to me, no fooling around with other girls, no cheating behind my back, nothing like all my ex's; drawback - a homebody, try to get him to walk me to a park and we could fight all day about it, so eventually i get used to not going out, at all.

second, gotta be the age thing, i get burned out very easily and i can nap a few times a day and still feel tired, smoking doesn't help, working in a fast pace store doesn't help, actually, working at a job that i dislike doesn't help, having to wake up early everyday doesn't get the point.

third, having very little money doesn't grant me the freedom to go out either, i'm having probably the worst financial crisis since i graduated from highschool, and that was 10 years ago, having a jobless boyfriend doesn't help me either.

fourth, i can't believe the list goes on, anyways, one major reason i'm not going out too much is also because i have stopped networking since my relationship with the evil French ex ended, despite my roommate/good friend is a hardcore party animal, sometimes i just want to hang out with someone i don't see all the time, and go to different places, so i guess i lack the resource, need variety, and some more companies.

so now here i am back in Vancouver for 2 weeks vacation, i've had a good share of rest and catching up with friends, what inspired me to revisit my long deserted Dland tonight is because i just came home from a 'night on the town' with a couple friends that i used to party/dine out with. on the way there i was already burnt out, i thought it'd be better when i actually see them and the conversations would compensate my exhaustion, in fact, being with them was even more work, the dynamics between us was different, i sat at my side of the table watching them busy texting on their blackberries, all the while i was thinking this is gonna drag on for another hour or so. after we left the restaurant, i was dragged to another lounge, stood around, forced myself to drink something i have 0 tolerance for, i could tell i disappointed my friends, who thought i was never a cheap-drunk (but i've always been), eventually i dismissed myself felt like a relief to go home.

in a way i miss my old glamourous life with those glamourous people, i'm afraid i'll become one of those people whose highlight of the weekend is a movie from blockbuster, at the same time i get so bored when i'm out being amongst those pretentious fuckers and i just want to run home to my bed!

i don't know what i want, and i don't know what makes me happy.

and i have to stop writing as if someone's listening, if i come back at all.

0 comments so far

before :: after

wounds scars me notes slapme diaryland FlickR!