Permanent Daylight
2:07 a.m. :: 2009-08-18
today is exactly one month since christophe cheated on me, technically we broke up on the 21st, it felt as though it's been longer than a month.
in a month i've moved out, live with an awesome, gorgeous, gay roommate, who told me everything about his sexual history the first day i moved in. i went from being despaired, heart-broken, mentally disturbed to being just alright.
every morning when i woke up i'd have sexual images of him fucking this other girl whom i don't know the name or the face, but it has been the most unbearable moments of my daily life. i checked the price of a psychologist and realistically there's no way i would've afforded it. i cried when awakening from a bad dream, i was barely eating a meal a day.
but little by little, i'm starting to feel alright. the chest pain feels less heavy each day, and those explicit images of him fucking in my head comes less frequent, and even when i think of it, i don't take it so seriously much more. i'm starting to accept more invitations, giving away and getting phone numbers, i start to socialize with more people at work, building more connections and discovering new events, all the while this old sense of closeness with christophe was slowly vanishing. AND, i'm smiling more often! unknowingly! i don't feel so angry anymore, this all happened within less than one month, even i can't believe the progress i'm making. the distance must be a factor, although i know i love him very much, even more than chris morgan, but past experiences really helped me learn.
I had a fabulous saturday night with my gay roommate Alex and my lovely Colombian friend Di at club Unity, this is my first time gay club experience in Montreal and it really kicked ass, we danced all night up on the stage/speakers, Alex is a dancer himself but me and Di are regular clubbers so we totally shined, i then realized sex isn't necessary the only thing that can de-stress or take my mind off that French bastard.
what empowers and strengthens me to go on is the thought of never in this lifetime, meet him again.
until next time!
0 comments so far